Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I'm A Hoarder

I hoard.

I hoard phone numbers.

I have Catherine's number!  And I have my mom's number, and my dad's.  I have my brother, my sister-in-law, my uncle, my aunt, my other uncle, my friends from high school...

I have all kinds of numbers that I do currently use.

But then I also have the number of the girl I met at salsa dancing lessons about a year ago, who invited me to a party at her house, and I never went and our friendship never blossomed...but I still have her number.

I also have the number for the little ginger man that my friends and I somehow (somehow) acquired during a long evening out, and named him so offensively "Leprechaun Mike".

I have the number of my ex-boyfriend's coworker's fiance.  Just in case I ever need it.

I have the number for the dude who sat next to me on a flight from Detroit to Philly a year and a half ago.  Got that number here...

I have two named Ian, and two named Dan.  There is one Ian that I am in contact with, but I'm not sure which number is his.  One of the Dan's is my boss, and so I don't want to delete the Dan that I met at a concert 3 years ago just in case I choose the wrong one.

I still have the American number for my friend who moved back to Germany 2 years ago.  Similarly, I have the American number for my friend that moved back to South Africa around the same time.

I have one named George and one named Harrison, and I keep them because they read as George Harrison, which makes me laugh.

I have someone named Lindsey WithAnE in my phone.

Nick, Sebastian, Sheila, Warren, Krystal...there's the Chinese food place that closed down a year ago...two Emily's...3 named Jess, Noelle...

There's one named Steeeeeeeeeeve Crawdad in my phone.  I'm not sure if that's a name he gave himself, or an endearment I conjured up on my own.

And so I have this array of numbers that I'll never use and that I'm paranoid I'll accidentally use, but I can't get rid of them.  I tried to delete an Ian and I couldn't bring myself to do it.  What happens if I really need something and I have an obscure memory of one of these people possessing whatever it is that I need, and I've deleted the number?  

what happens then?

I'm not taking my chances.