Monday, October 20, 2014

I Thought I Had Ebola

I'm only a little kidding; I thought I had ebola.

This is what I know about the virus.  It is not deadly, but what it does to your body is lethal.  I guess that's the same as guns or just about anything at all.  Guns aren't deadly, but when a bullet pierces the heart it's lethal.  Water isn't deadly, but breathing it in sure is.
In any case, this is what I understand of how ebola works.

It comes into the body and it sneaks in the backdoor of the immune system.  It shuts down the immune system's alarms, so the body goes on thinking all is well and that there's no monkey virus coursing through its veins.
Then suddenly the immune system wakes up and reacts how I did the morning of every college final ever, "oh shit oh shit oh shit".  It overreacts and sends out too many virus-killing soldiers and this causes the high fevers and the organs shutting down and the bleeding from every opening.  It's your own immune system that kills you.

And so I thought that Friday was the end.  I was in Pittsburgh- geographically practically living with the woman who got ebola in Dallas and flew home to Cleveland and exposed her wretched disease to countless others.

I woke up feeling like I always do- tired, annoyed, but fully alive.
Then somewhere around 1pm my health took a turn for the worse.  I swallowed my spit as any person does every few minutes and OUCH my throat was sore.
Then my joints started to get restless and achey.
I took a shower a little while later, which helped me to realize that my skin hurt.

I spent the rest of the day in a dizzy daze, throat sore, achey bones, and skin that hurt.

I tried to get out of the confines of my room to experience a little of world for the last time before I died and 20 minutes into the journey my fever spiked.

I thought I'd never make it back to bed alive.

And once I was in bed I didn't think I'd ever wake up again.

But I did wake up.  I woke up at 3:38am and I threw up once into the bathtub.  My fever and all aches and pains vanished immediately.

My throat still hurts, though, so maybe I'm not totally in the clear yet.
do you think if i recovered from ebola my bosses would let me do whatever i wanted for a little while? like, maybe i could stop coming to work but they'd keep paying me? maybe i could go on an adventure or sleep a whole lot.

Monday, October 6, 2014

I'm A Muggle.

I grew up during the Decade of Harry.  I was on vacation in Denver when the last book was released- I went to the closest Walmart and sat in line until Midnight when it was released.

I have a necklace of an owl carrying a bit of mail in its talons, undoubtedly Hedwig.  Perhaps it's Pigwidgeon carrying Ron's Howler.

I went to Potted Potter to see the entire series acted out in 90 minutes.

It's my greatest desire to go to Harry Potter World.

I have a crush on Cedric Diggory.  duh.

I'm 27 years old.  And I'm a Muggle.

I'm a Muggle in the wizarding sense, in that I have no wizarding powers and I went to a normal high school sans robes, wands, and spying kitties.  I'm also a Muggle in the Muggle sense, in that I have no skills to speak of.

I'm at an impasse in my life.  It's time to move on from my current job.  The issue I'm encountering is that, though I desire a new career, I have no skills to aid in this transition.  I can hardly be defined as qualified to do the job I have now.  I've been in this field since I graduated college and now I fear I'm stuck.

I don't take kindly to feeling stuck.

What would I like to do instead?  I DONT KNOW.  I haven't the slightest clue what it is that I'm supposed to do instead.  I love to cook, but I can't cook well enough to be a chef.  I love to paint, but my skills are at a hobbyist level and not worth any amount of money.  I love to travel, but travel costs money and doesn't supply it.  And so I feel stuck.

What jobs are there for people like me?  At what job can a Muggle thrive?

If anyone knows of an open position, and the employer is looking for any/all of the following attributes, please send them my way.
- I am cripplingly shy when I first meet people.
- I tell really bad jokes.
- I ignore people who are rude to me, CEOs included.
- I'm not motivated by money.
- I am actually very friendly.  Maybe even flirty.
- I love to learn new things.
- I love helping people.
- I have an exceptional attention span for things that interest me.
- I'm not tidy, nor organized.
- I'm logical, mostly.
- I'm sometimes emotional, but I keep sadness contained to the ladies room and anger contained to muttering under my breath.
- I'm very good at remembering things.
- I know a lot more about computers than a lot of people, but I hate computers.  Don't make me keep doing computers.
- I don't know anything about running an art gallery, but I want to anyway.

Employers, get in line.