Wednesday, February 4, 2015

I Almost DIED Last Night

You read that right: I almost died.

Not to sound dramatic or anything.

It snowed last week or maybe it rained, but in any case the yard has become a patchy ice rink.
CreamCheese gets a burst of energy in the evening and if she's not chased around for a little while she never falls asleep.  I took her out and we ran around for approximately 45 seconds before I slipped.

I fell harder than I have ever fallen before.  My hip hit the ground first, then my knee, then ankle, then shoulder, then FACE, then knee and ankle again.

I hit my FACE on the ground!  Like some common face hitter!  My money-maker!  My pride and joy!  MY FACE!! It bounced!  That's how people die!

I tried to get up, but couldn't move.  Puppy excitedly jumped on my near-lifeless body, attempting to lick my face (oh, my face!).
After a minute of rolling around, stunned and very cold, I managed to get to my feet.  My entire right side wasn't working, but I had to get back to the house.  It's the last time I walk out the door without bringing my phone; it would have been hours before anyone missed me and came looking.

I dragged myself to the house, shrieking "INJURY" repeatedly, hoping someone would appear with a wheelchair or maybe some crutches.  No one heard me and no one came to my aid.

When I got back into the house I moaned a loud and pathetic "OHHHHHHHHH!", which was at last acknowledged and my mother came to me at once.  I was sat down on the couch and brought enough ice packs and pain relievers for a squad of injured Me's.

I woke this morning, and the coffee smelled better, my shower left me cleaner, the birds sang more sweetly.
Those are the sorts of things us people who almost died recognize.