You read that right: I almost died.
Not to sound dramatic or anything.
It snowed last week or maybe it rained, but in any case the yard has become a patchy ice rink.
CreamCheese gets a burst of energy in the evening and if she's not chased around for a little while she never falls asleep. I took her out and we ran around for approximately 45 seconds before I slipped.
I fell harder than I have ever fallen before. My hip hit the ground first, then my knee, then ankle, then shoulder, then FACE, then knee and ankle again.
I hit my FACE on the ground! Like some common face hitter! My money-maker! My pride and joy! MY FACE!! It bounced! That's how people die!
I tried to get up, but couldn't move. Puppy excitedly jumped on my near-lifeless body, attempting to lick my face (oh, my face!).
After a minute of rolling around, stunned and very cold, I managed to get to my feet. My entire right side wasn't working, but I had to get back to the house. It's the last time I walk out the door without bringing my phone; it would have been hours before anyone missed me and came looking.
I dragged myself to the house, shrieking "INJURY" repeatedly, hoping someone would appear with a wheelchair or maybe some crutches. No one heard me and no one came to my aid.
When I got back into the house I moaned a loud and pathetic "OHHHHHHHHH!", which was at last acknowledged and my mother came to me at once. I was sat down on the couch and brought enough ice packs and pain relievers for a squad of injured Me's.
I woke this morning, and the coffee smelled better, my shower left me cleaner, the birds sang more sweetly.
Those are the sorts of things us people who almost died recognize.
hahahaha! you goof. Laughing so hard right now!
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